The Pursuit of You

Why Therapy May Not Be Working For You

Hey friend! Welcome to another episode of the Pursuit of You podcast where we dive deep into what it means to truly be in the pursuit of yourself. This week, we're unpacking the often misunderstood world of therapy and how it's more about building a trusting relationship than just getting advice.

Have you ever wondered if therapy is really worth it? Or why talk to a stranger when you can just vent to friends? I want to get into how therapy opened a whole new world for me—one where I could explore my feelings, learn healthy communication, and create a supportive network around me.

Join me as I share personal stories and insights on how a good therapist doesn't just tell you what to do. Instead, they help you discover your inner voice and guide you gently back to your path. Therapy helps you recognize and unravel those toxic coping mechanisms and learn to trust yourself again, even when it's hard.

 

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The Real Reason You Don't Love Yourself

Hey there! Have you ever felt like you're just too much or not enough? In today's episode we get into *how* we see ourselves and who shapes those perceptions. I'll get into how meeting my husband changed my entire perspective on self-worth and love. I share my struggles with low self-esteem and feeling like a "bull in a china shop," and realizing that it wasn't my fault. It was the lenses through which others viewed me. Through my husband, I was able to find healing and a new way to look at myself.

Join me as I explore the complexities of guilt, shame, and hyper-independence, changing your perspective, and building fulfilling relationships after abuse. If you resonate with these feelings, connect with me on Threads! 

Here's a link to the article I mention in the episode, Abuse is like Being Handed a Weapon You Can't Put Down 

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How to Know When You're Seeking Toxic Validation

Hey friend! Welcome back. Today, we're diving into a topic close to home for many of us—validation, and how our search for it can sometimes become toxic.

I've gone through some big changes lately, going back to college after a decade away and it’s been a ride juggling schedules and rediscovering a classroom environment. The shift brought about some new perspectives on how I seek validation, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you.

In this episode, we talk about what happens when validation-seeking becomes unhealthy. It’s about understanding that while we need others to affirm our reality, the lion's share of emotional regulation rests within us. And I share some of my personal journey overcoming anxiety, which was a big driver of my own toxic validation seeking behavior. 

I also talk about the importance of setting boundaries, not as a means to control others, but as a way to guide our own actions and maintain our emotional well-being. What I learned in therapy was that boundaries are like a velvet rope—not a fence—showing us the paths we choose not to take.

Join me as we explore healthy validation and build relationships that thrive through mutual understanding and support.

 

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How to be Wrong and Recover; Communication in Relationships

In this episode, we're diving into a topic that blew up on threads recently. I shared a personal experience about my journey with couples counseling, and it sparked some amazing discussions. Join me as we explore the importance of empathy in relationships, how to communicate effectively, and why being open to new perspectives can transform your connections.

We'll unravel my initial mis-assessments about empathy and how a therapist helped my husband and I navigate this. Plus, I'll respond to some insightful comments and questions from the thread, like identifying toxic validation-seeking behaviors and understanding defensiveness in relationships.

If you're curious about how to build stronger emotional connections and navigate relationship challenges, this episode is for you! Don't forget to check out my pinned thread on threads and share your thoughts.

 

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The Emotional Hierarchy: How Our Relational Framework is Built

Hey there! 🌟 Are you ready to dive deep into the emotional dynamics that shape our relationships? In this episode, I'll be wrapping up our discussion on my book, Unraveling the Human Experience.

We'll explore the concept of the emotional hierarchy, a powerful framework that influences how we connect with others, especially within parent-child dynamics. I'll share insights on the fluctuation of empathy and shed some light on how we can build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

If you've ever felt the weight of self-sacrifice or struggled with toxic relationship patterns, this episode is for you. Let's uncover the hidden layers of our emotional connections and nurture our empathy back to health in balanced and meaningful ways. ❤️

Don't forget to join our community and stay updated with the latest episodes and exclusive content by signing up for the newsletter at themiddaylatte.com. And if you have questions or thoughts on empathy, drop me a comment on Threads at @JocelynKate. Can't wait to hear from you!

Thanks for tuning in, and let's continue this journey towards ultimate happiness through emotional connection. 🎧

 

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The Hot Potato Game: When Other People Make You Feel Like "Too Much"

Hey there, welcome back to the Pursuit of You podcast with Joscelyn Kate! Today, we're diving into another concept from my book, Unraveling the Human Experience, called the "hot potato game."

Have you ever felt disoriented or confused by someone else's behavior? Or maybe you've been in a situation where your feelings were dismissed or invalidated? This episode is all about understanding those dynamics and recognizing when someone is playing the "hot potato game" to avoid emotional connection.

I'll share a real-life scenario that perfectly illustrates this tactic and break down how it impacts our interactions. Plus, we'll explore why some people use this game and how to navigate relationships where it comes into play.

Join me for an insightful chat that will help you better understand and manage your emotional connections. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Find me on Threads or Instagram at Joscelyn Kate, or sign up for my newsletter at themiddaylatte.com. Feel free to email me at hello@themiddaylatte.com.

Thanks for joining me!

 

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The Dancing Hunter: Sensing the Suppression of Instinct in Others

In this episode, we delve into another concept from my book, "Unraveling the Human Experience" — the Dancing Hunter. Building on the hunter and the deer analogy from episode 22, we will explores how the fluctuation of empathy helps us recognize abuse dynamics and the instinctual recognition between sentient beings.

Discover how the Dancing Hunter, a metaphor for covert narcissism, disrupts this instinctual connection and the profound impact it has on our nervous system. We look at the importance of understanding these dynamics to set healthy boundaries and protect our emotional well-being. We also talk about the impacts of villainizing individuals displaying harmful behaviors and redirect our judgment toward recognizing them as people with undeveloped or damaged frameworks.

Join me as we discuss practical insights into how we can maintain healthy projections and reflections, ensuring our own emotional health. Engage with me on Instagram and Threads at @JoscelynKate to share your thoughts and experiences on this topic.

Follow the show for more episodes exploring empathy and abuse dynamics, and sign up for the newsletter on themiddaylatte.com for updates and exclusive content.

 

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Empath to Narcissist Pipeline: Emotional Dynamics and Reflective Understanding

Join the discussion on narcissism. Gain clarity on how it reflects a person's emotional responses developed through their upbringing. Learn about the concept of 'empathy vortex', a self-projected scenario where narcissists block inward reflection and understanding of others.

 

Take a deeper look into the concerns around using labels like 'narcissist', and better understand why refraining from villainizing those who exhibit toxic traits leads to the de-stigmatization of mental health and treatment seeking. We explore how everyone has the potential to exhibit toxic behaviors and misuse empathy.

 

We analyze the impact of life experiences and trauma responses that shape personal behaviors. And we discuss how high emotional acuity can lead to feelings of superiority and boundary-crossing, resulting in unhealthy relationships. Gain deep insight into how therapy aids in recognizing how people cope differently, leading to a greater understanding and ability to validate personal expressions.

 

Also covered is the importance of respecting personal intellectual spaces and emotional boundaries, understanding how empathy, when overused as a tool for extracting the truth, deters connection and alignment with others.

 

Avoid an empathy vortex or superiority complex by acknowledging the variations in emotional landscapes. Discover insight to help you understand how a balance between empathy and respect for personal experiences can pave the way for positive and healthy relationships.

 

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Unraveling the Human Experience: understanding the fluctuation of empathy

Take a fascinating deep dive into the realm of empathy and human interactions with host, Joscelyn Kate, in an episode of the 'Pursuit of You' podcast. Engage with complex psychological dynamics as we analyze the ebb and flow of empathy, the role it plays in our relationships and the impact of its suppression or extension on our self-confidence and inner trust. This episode touches on the delicate balance between empathy and self-protection, and how it influences our decision-making when setting personal boundaries.

Journey with us as we venture into the realm of abusive dynamics, discussing overt and covert narcissism, victim mindset, and learned helplessness. Learn how these emotionally damaging patterns, often rooted in our childhood experiences, can drain the vitality out of empathic interactions within relationships. The episode highlights the importance of energy balance in relationships and the detrimental effect of coerced empathy extraction.

We delve into the chilling phenomenon of 'gaslighting' – an abusive tactic that undermines a person's perception of reality – and explore how it can disrupt self-trust and the dynamics of a relationship. The episode underscores the importance of building inner trust to protect our own version of truth and avoid undue influences in our perceived reality.

The discussion also extends to the stages of healthy self-focus, namely self-awareness, self-talk, self-trust, self-control, self-discipline, and self-discovery. Learn how each of these stages nurtures an understanding of our experiences, aiding in our journey to self-realization.

The Boundary Setting Workbook available at TheMiddayLatte.com is mentioned as a potential tool for better relationship management.

Lastly, Joscelyn shares her personal experiences and struggles with empathic sensitivity, the swift transformation from empath to narcissist, and how to manage empathy for the benefit of our relationships and personal growth. This episode is not merely informative but a stride towards understanding and reclaiming our personal power and trust in human interactions.

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The Power of Perspective and How to Use it

In this episode, I talk about what perspective is and how to use it to your advantage. 

Our mind and body work on autopilot, influencing our behaviors is about having a "North Star" and directing our efforts so that our subconscious mind works to seek out the experiences we desire. 

Learn what you can do with your perspective and how to release the perspective of others that can sometimes lead us down a path of self-sabotage. 

Takeaway Points:

• Perspective is not meant to invalidate your emotions and experiences 
• You don't need to change your mind about the suffering you've experienced 
• Perspective is a tool to communicate with our subconscious mind and operate our nervous system from the passenger seat 

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